Saturday, June 09, 2007

Paris Hilton back in jail



Ooh-wah, ooh-wah, ooh-wah. Don't cry Paris. Don't cry. Everything will be okay......I think. I feel sorry for Paris Hilton. She's not going to see a penis in 40 days. That's too long for her. Penis is her life support, along with make-up, partying, and a cell phone. She's going to be locked in a prison with a bunch of females who look like Mr. T. Those female prisoners are going to treat her like a fat kid treats his pizza. They're going to touch her and make out with her. I don't think Paris has ever made out with females who look like grown men. Maybe Paris will put on some weight while she's locked up. Maybe she'll lift weights and give piggyback rides to a 300lb female prisoner named Tyrone. Imagine if Paris comes out of prison looking like a WNBA player. That would be something. She would beat up the paparazzi and shoot a jump shot over them. What if Paris comes out of prison as a gangster. No one would be able to make jokes about her. She would shoot you with her mini handgun that Tyrone gave her in prison. But I hope Paris doesn't come out of prison looking like a WNBA player or a gangster. I like her just the way she is, cute and anorexic. I hope Paris stays out of trouble in prison and doesn't get stabbed in her bones.


Thursday, June 07, 2007

Paris Hilton out of jail

She'sss baccckkk. It's only been three days since Paris Hilton went to jail and now she's being released. This is the worsest news since the E! network brought back the "Simple Life." This news is going to cause riots throughout the world. And it already has. When the Japanese found out that Paris Hilton was let out of jail early, they burned down Tokyo. When the Mexicans found out that Paris was released out of jail early, they jumped back over the border. And the terrorists hate us even more now. Thanks a lot Paris. Paris Hilton only spent three days in jail. Three days! She didn't even spend enough time to become someone's girlfriend. Now she'll spend the remaining of her sentence confined to her home doing nothing. Doing nothing, something she's used to. Well, at least she doesn't have to wait 40 days for some dick.