Monday, September 17, 2007

O.J. SIMPSON: THE BOOGEYMAN

O.J. (Orange Juice) Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas over the weekend in connection with an alleged robbery. You would think that a guy who’s been proven non-guilty of double murder would lay low for awhile and stay out of trouble. But not O.J. Not the Juice. O.J. Simpson loves the spotlight. He would choke Britney Spears just for some media attention. The Las Vegas police say Orange Juice Simpson and his posse entered a hotel room and took memorabilia that he says belongs to him. The memorabilia include a pair of Bruno Magli shoes, a bloody glove, knife, and a ski mask. Well, even though O.J. broke into the room and took memorabilia, at least he didn’t kill anybody this time.
O.J. Simpson is the Tiger Woods of killing people. Tiger Woods can miss 2 shots and get away with it. O.J. can kill 2 people and get away with it. Orange Juice is one scary dude. He’s scarier than Freddy Krueger. If Freddy Krueger saw O.J., he would pee his pants. I get scared every time I see O.J. on TV. I hide under my covers and call for my mommy. If I saw O.J. coming down the street, I would run and hide behind a car. I’m not getting my ass killed. But some people aren’t scared of O.J. A lot of girls love him. They can’t wait for O.J. to put his hands on them (and kill them). I’m sorry but if there’s a girl out there who actually likes O.J. Simpson, then she deserves to be stabbed by him. The blondes love O.J. and O.J. loves the blondes. I can’t blame the blondes for being attracted to O.J. Simpson. They probably think he’s Bill Cosby.
Every time I see Orange Juice on TV, he always has a smile on his face. He looks like he’s the happiest killer in the world. He acts like he hasn’t killed 2 people. He acts like he just won the Super bowl. And can you believe the guy is 60. He should be in a retirement home…..stabbing the senior citizens. I’m just killing, I mean kidding. You see, You see what happens when you talk about O.J., you start thinking like him. Las Vegas police say that O.J. will be charged with six counts of robbery, assault, burglary, and conspiracy. Ha ha! You’re going to prison O.J. Johnnie Cochran can’t save you now motherfucker.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Osama bin Laden



If you haven’t heard by now Osama bin Laden has come out with a new video that was shown on television today. It seems like every three months there’s a new Osama bin Laden video. This guy has released more videos than Kelly Clarkson. Enough already! I’m tired of seeing Osama bin Laden’s ugly Jihad face on my TV screen. He looks like an anorexic Santa Claus. He’s dirty and hairy. He looks like he hasn’t showered in years….since the Flintstones were cancelled. A hooker’s butt crack is cleaner than him. I don’t know why he isn’t dead yet. He lives in a cave with a bunch of dudes (and who knows what they’re doing in there) and he has no food or assets. He should be a corpse right now, but he isn’t because it’s like he’s getting stronger. He’s like the Incredible Hulk. The more he threatens America, the stronger he gets. And the more he watches VH1, the angrier he gets. Osama bin Laden hates America so much, but he loves our technology. He uses Hi-tech cameras and the internet. In the video, he’s even caught using the iPhone. Son of a bitch.
We need to bribe this guy to come out of hiding. Maybe if we send Paris Hilton over there to have sex with him, he’ll come out. Why can’t we find Osama bin Laden? Why can’t we just send Dog the Bounty hunter to look for him. Dog will do a good job. Maybe. When we do capture Osama bin Laden (which will be in 2030), we need to torture him by making him watch the Ellen DeGeneres Show. I hate Osama bin Laden. I hope he gets molested by a mountain lion.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Breast implants




More and more girls are getting breast implants. It’s like an epidemic. You got girls as young as 12 years old getting breast implants. These young girls have double D’s while their friends have barely an A cup. Young girls aren’t the only ones getting breast implants. Old women are getting them too. As if their breasts aren’t big enough. My grandma’s friend got breast implants last year. Now she has a bad back and can’t walk up straight. Here’s a tip: if you’re a grandma, don’t get breast implants. Grandmas have naturally big breasts already.

Breast implants don’t turn me on like they used to. I used to be a big fan of breast implants. I joined the breast implants fan club when I was 10 years old. I even had a membership card. But that was in the 90’s when breast implants were very popular. In the 90’s, breast implants were like the Beatles. Now they’re like the Pussycat Dolls. They’re attractive to look at, but I’m just not a big fan of them. Don’t get me wrong, if I see a girl with fake boobs, I’ll take a sneak peek but I won’t stare at them like they’re a piece of steak (I’m just kidding, of course I would). Most guys don’t care about fake boobs anymore. Of course there are guys out there who will ask a girl with big breasts if her breasts are real or not, but guys will not stand there and admire them (Because they don’t want to get slapped in the face). Guys like girls who have natural breasts. Natural breasts are cute. They’re like puppies. You want to hold them in your hands and kiss and comfort them. You even want to tell them how much you love them. Breast implants are like pit bulls. They’re big, bad, and wild. You can’t kiss, comfort or hold on to them. They’re uncontrollable.

Which one of these girls has the breast implants?