Thursday, January 18, 2007

Saddam v.s Hitler…..in Hell

VS.

Over two weeks after being hanged and executed, Saddam Hussein entered the gates of hell and was met by the sound of boos. People from former president Richard Nixon to Gangsta rapper Tupac were nearby booing loudly as Saddam Hussein stepped into hell. There was one individual in particular who was booing the loudest. That individual was the one and only, Adolf Hitler. As soon as Saddam stepped into hell, tensions soon arose between the two men. Adolf Hiltler, who tortured women and children himself, yelled out insults and chastised Saddam for torturing women and children while president of Iraq. Saddam did not take this criticism from Adolf Hitler lightly. Saddam wanted revenge and that’s what he got the following day. The following day during lunchtime in Hell’s kitchen, Saddam went over to the table where Hitler was eating and took his chocolate milk when Hitler went to the bathroom. When Hitler came back from the bathroom he realized that his chocolate milk was missing and immediately blamed it on Saddam. Hitler went over to Saddam’s table and demanded that Saddam give him back his chocolate milk. “Give me back my chocolate milk. I know you took it you girly bitch” Hitler said. Then Saddam said that he already drank the chocolate milk and teased and annoyed Hitler by saying, “Nah Nah Nah Nah.” Hitler then got mad and Nazi saluted Saddam in the eye. Saddam then got up and bitch slapped Hitler in the face like a rag doll. The two starting fighting and that’s when the guards came to break it up. Hitler ordered a “Blitzkrieg” on Saddam’s ass and Saddam quickly ran off and went into hiding.

Satan approached the two men and told them to have this conflict settled at next month’s Hell pay per view event. The two men will battle it out in an inferno ring with a steel cage. Tupac will be the referee. Here’s some fight info on the two men for their upcoming pay per view match:

Saddam Hussein

Country: Iraq

Favorite movie: Gone with the wind

Favorite cartoon: Scooby Doo

Favorite food: Pizza with extra cheese

Favorite dessert: Ice cream sundae with

Racial group I hate: Kurds

Political party: Ba’ath party (even

though we never took

any)

Major wars involved in: Gulf War, Iran-Iraq War

Occupation: President

Sexual orientation: Undecided

Smoke/Drink: Yes/Hell yeah

Religion: Sunni Muslim

Date of death: December 30, 2006

Cause of death: Choked by a rope

Responsible for: Gay porn

Favorite sentence: I pity the fool

Accused of the US of: Having weapons of

mass destruction

Children: All over the Middle east

Rock, paper, scissor: Rock (that’s what I’m

surrounded by)

Adolf Hitler

Country: Germany

Favorite movie: King Kong

Favorite cartoon: Looney Tunes

Favorite actor: Marlon Brando

Favorite food: Hot dog

Favorite dessert: Apple pie

Racial group I hate: Jews

Political party: Nazi party

Major wars involved in: World War I & II

Occupation: Chancellor

Sexual orientation: Swinger

Smoke/Drink: No/Only after sex
with Eva

Religion: On and off again Christian

Date of death: April 30, 1945

Cause of death: Shot himself

Responsible for: The Holocaust

Favorite sentence: I pity the Jew

Accused of the US of: Making France pee

in their pants

Children: Hell no (I hate kids)

Rock, paper, scissor: Scissor (to trim my beard)

*Here's Saddam Hussein being hanged:

Saddam hanging video

Monday, January 01, 2007

Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions

Here are some New Year’s resolutions from our favorite celebrities for 2007:


Tom Cruise’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Come out the closet and hook up with Ryan Seacrest
2. Return Suri to her real parents
3. Bitch slap Scientology non-believers
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Lindsay Lohan’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Make more crappy movies
2. Lose 50 more pounds to look even better than Hilary Duff
3. Drink and drive and then run over an innocent pedestrian
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Paris Hilton’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Go out
2. Party
3. Have fun

Britney Spears’ New Year Resolutions:
1. Wear panties, preferably Victoria Secret
2. Have a threesome with Lindsay and Paris
3. Try to remember how to sing again

Kevin Federline’s (K-Fed) New Year Resolutions:
1. Get another female celebrity pregnant, maybe Jessica Simpson
2. Trick Britney by paying her child support with Monopoly money
3. Sit on my couch and watch reruns of “Prison Break”

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Steal a black baby from Malawi like Madonna did
2. Be friends with Jennifer Anniston and then poison her when she’s visiting us
3. Covert to scientology and then move to space to get away from the paparazzi

Oprah’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Get a raise in salary and become a zillionaire
2. Buy Wal-Mart and the internet
3. Have Tyra Banks assassinated for stealing my ideas

Rosie O’Donnell’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Choke Barbara Walters when no one is looking
2. Get Penile Surgery
3. Become a Sumo wrestler

O.J. Simpson’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Dig up Nicole’s grave and sell her corpse on Ebay
2. Kill my kids
3. Join the circus juggling knives

Mel Gibson’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Become an honorary member of the Ku Klux Klan
2. Start a fight at a Bar Mitzvah
3. Release prequel to the Passion of the Christ entitled “Passion of the Christ: The early years”

Cosmo Kramer’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Don’t say any word beginning with the letter N
2. Date a black chick so people won’t think I’m racist
3. Release a sex video that will sell more than the Seinfeld dvds
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President Bush’s New Year Resolutions:
1. Get a PS3
2. Watch the Fox News Channel
3. Buy Spider Man costume for Halloween